I don’t know anymore.

You know those BIG life questions like:

What is the meaning of life?

What is the point of life?

What does it even mean to exist?

What is happiness, love, freedom, intelligence,time?

Who decides what morality is?

What is reality?

Why do we exist on this planet?

How do we exist on this planet?

It makes me begin to wonder about my life, in an extremely detailed way from the point of remembering a vast amount of memories up until this exact point in my life. Such questions made me wonder so much about myself like why did i stop swimming, playing the piano or riding my bike(it got stolen)?

You how people always know what they want to do with their life, they have it all figured out which is amazing. But for someone like me i have never known what i liked to do, like what would i want to do for the rest of my life.

I don’t think I’ll ever know what to do with my life.I don’t know if that is a great thing but I’m okay with it. I think what I want to do is to find myself right now.

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To not do anything too mediocre and bland. I’m going to try something interesting to see what I like,what is great for me. I’m okay with not knowing I think I prefer it now very much.

Rather than knowing before my time what to do with my life and how to live it. I’m discovering myself again. Which is scary and new and weird but then again i am weird so yeah… I’m okay and i am happy. I just need- i am going to rediscover me.

I’ll do all the things I want to do.

I want to ask you something. What do you do if you really don’t know what to do with your life, because at a young age you where once asked “what you want to do when you grow up?” and  you would have responded with “I’m going to be a singer, or an astronaut, or whatever else right.

Well when you grew up did you still have a clear idea of what you wanted to be? 

I have no idea, but I have tons of things I want to try out, there small things like I want to see what it would be like to work as a waitress in a restaurant, or i want to see what it would be like to climb an entire mountain on my own. Small steps right.

The thing is I have never enjoyed education, from a certain age it just got bland and boring and i needed to get away but i couldn’t.

I still don’t, it is for some reason killing some thing within me and i don’t even know what.

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This is a note from my book.

Reader I hope you are well and enjoy.

Bye.

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